Monday 7 April 2014

Changes...



'Life is what happens while you were making other plans'

I came across this quote in a book I was reading, but cannot remember who said (or wrote) it…

If anyone knows, please tell me, so I can add the name.

And it is so true.

My plans were to be creative, to make time for it. and to blog about it.

But Life went off in another direction. I could have known.

My mother, who hopes to celebrate her 84th birthday this year, has been having 'health issues'.

She is still up and about, but needs more and more looking after.  

When she falls, when she is confused, she needs someone to keep an eye on her. 

So, after giving this a lot of thought, we decided to build her a small house in the garden.

My garden is not very big, and this little house will take up half of it.

It is a bed-sitting room with bathroom, really. And a tiny kitchen unit, to make tea and sandwiches.

I started 'investigating' all the pro's and con's last fall, and now the plans are almost ready. We only have to decide on the kitchen block, and then it can be built. That will take about three months, and will probably start in May.

When it is finished, we will have to find a good bed, lights, curtains and other bits and pieces.

It is a big step, and I am a bit anxious about it, as my mother is not an easy person to live with (and neither am I, I need lots of private space/time). But the alternative is putting her in a home for the elderly, where she will be truly miserable. She is not a very social person, and likes to potter about among her things and in the garden. And she would have to leave that all behind.

Now she can keep her house for another while, and spend her good days there, and her evenings, nights and mornings in her little mini house with me. Where she will still have a garden. 

And the company of three very lovely cats.

The next two months I will be saying goodbye to most of my much cherished view of the sea dyke.

Here is a picture of it. It looks like nothing in this lousy photograph (yes, I took it myself...), but I love it.

In real life, it is So GREEN. So full of lovely plants. And you can look all the way to the dyke.



It will be a lovely house to look at, but I will miss the green wall of plants I am looking at now.

But perhaps we can plant some climbing roses.

It is wonderful of course that we have the means to do this, to begin with.

And besides the fact that she will not be happy in a home, it is so expensive to live there that, in about three years time, the house will have paid itself. 

Another reason is that the government has no budget to employ enough staff, so, though you pay for care, it is not certain that you will get it.

Occasionally awful stories appear in the newspapers about inhabitants of such homes having to wait for  hours before someone can take them to the loo. Or having to spend the entire day unwashed and in their pyjamas, because of shortage of staff.

So, I really have no choice. It will probably be tough, but we can solve it together, if we both give and take a bit.

Still, on some days my stomach ties itself in knots when I think about it. That is why I decided not to do that. 

I will take a deep breath, and take the plunge.

Please pray for us! 

This will be the most scary adventure of my entire life.

Oops, thunderstorm coming, with lightning flashing over the dyke. 

I am going to shut down the computer.

Have a lovely evening, and thanks for reading this!

5 comments:

  1. I believe John Lennon said it :)
    BIG plans indeed and a BIG commitment! Ageing parents are such a worry for our generation. My dad's only 72 and able to live alone - so far - but it's always in the back of my mind, What will happen when he isn't able anymore??
    You are in my prayers, my dear xx **hugs**

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    1. Hi Claire, I sent you a personal email to thank you for your sweet comment, but I wanted to thank you here, too! Thank you so much!

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  2. Prayers indeed - but what a courageous thing to do. My Grandmother was in a similar position but did end up in a home as there was no way we could make something like this happen, we live in a rented house among other things :( It broke my heart to make the decision though I knew she would be cared for....
    Maybe this will open up whole new opportunities for creativity for you, for you both?
    Big hugs to you xxx

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  3. Oh, thank you, Magpie, for sharing your Grandmother's story. Yes, it would break my heart too, to send my mother to a nursing home. And we are lucky to have the option not to. I do hope you will be right, and that it will turn out to be an opportunity for creativity, in some way or other. Who knows? I shall keep you posted!

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  4. Oh boy, what a fabulous plan this is. And what a wonderful daughter you are. She's very, very lucky to have you. It might not be easy, but when the times and you are without her, you'll be so glad you did this.

    I too would love to do it for my parents, but ... Well, who knows.

    But good luck, to you and to your mum. I'm sure you'll get into a rhythm that suits you both.

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